Winner of The Letter Review Prize for Poetry
A (not so) Private Sestina
"Momma needs privacy!"
you yell, underwear at your ankles on the bathroom floor.
If they hear,
they pay no attention.
Tiny feet rush in,
possessing the same boldness with which they stampeded through the rest of your life.
When you gave life,
you relinquished your privacy.
Some days are too crowded to breathe in;
the weight holds you tight to the floor.
Little fingers grasp for your attention
begging you to hear.
Didn't you hear?
You chose this life.
They deserve your attention.
It's a small sacrifice - your privacy.
Get off the floor.
No one should see the state you're in.
Go ahead and hang a sign that says, "Come on in!"
since anyway, that's what they hear.
Trucks and plastic dinosaurs scattered across every inch of your floor,
evidence that there is no untouched piece of your life.
You daydream of privacy,
while sticky hands search the folds of your skirt for attention.
You too crave attention.
The kind where someone invites you in,
and offers you privacy,
but is enthusiastic to hear
as you vomit the beautiful and the ugly of your life
in front of you onto the floor.
But instead of spilling your guts, you scrub spilled milk from the floor.
For now, the kids and their crumbs demand more attention
than the forgotten pieces of your life.
When you try to peek in,
try to lean close to yourself and hear,
you see the chaos has stripped even your thoughts of privacy.
You replay memories of your life, staring into the vacant space of the bathroom floor.
Tiny giggles yank you back, reminding you that privacy will return, and fleeting laughter
is worthy of your attention.
You breathe deeply in and try your best to hear.
Emily Standley lives with her husband and their two wonderfully wild and energetic boys in Lewistown, Montana. She is passionate about her faith, her family, education, prairies, and expressing her love through food. Her indecisive personality led her to earn degrees in both natural resources and teaching, and she has been fortunate to not only work alongside ranchers on the rangelands, but also teach English and drama to junior high students. Her most invigorating job title so far is her current one: Stay-At-Home Mom. Her dream career would be a combination teacher-range technician-writer-chef who also gets to witness every second of her kiddos’ childhoods. She’s still on the lookout for that job listing.