Winner of The Letter Review Prize for Poetry
After Anguish
Barn stalls gape empty,
draped with cobwebs.
The time for burrowing
soft and deep, quilt to chin, under scraps
patched to pattern: cathedral window’s
twelve-fold squares.
In early dark and deepening
chill, trees blacken against the gray,
a western tint of light remaining.
Here it’s time to settle
into quiet, flame reducing to ember,
just as hot.
My own careful fire, small
and flickering, cup hands around—
never mind the old black book
of should-ought-don’t with its large
bold print.
I will read in expectation.
Let joy winnow from despair
as grain separates from husk. Satisfy my
craving thick soups, mashed potatoes,
ice cream straight from the carton.
Spend early evenings cradling
stemmed bowls of pinot noir
gleaming in firelight.
With the next warm day—
maybe tomorrow—I intend to go out,
gaze into the calming sky—
it always helps—
look up with trust the way I rode my last
good horse those years ago.
I will wait out the deepening
winter for hummingbirds’ return,
for zinnia, cleome to reseed themselves.
Twice a day, walk the dogs
around these farm fields, noticing
what’s here and now outside myself,
and with any luck and time—
if I am given time—heal enough
to give it all another go.
Wendell Hawken (she/her) earned her MFA from Warren Wilson College’s Program for Writers. Publications include four chapbooks and five full collections. Hawken was named the inaugural Poet Laureate of Millwood VA, an unincorporated quirky village in the northern Shenandoah Valley where she lives. In addition to my writing, I am active in local non-profits: helping to create the Barns of Rose Hill, now a thriving arts venue out of two dilapidated dairy barns in Berryville VA; founded the Christ Church Cares Food Pantry that I managed for ten years; and a founding board member of Ability Fitness Center, a special-needs gym in Leesburg, where I currently serve. These projects have brought me deep satisfaction and serve as a balance to the self-involvement of my writing.