Winner of The Letter Review Prize for Short Fiction
Concerning Renovations to the Community Pool
OFFICIAL CITY OF MITTELSBERG BLOG
Completely honored to be your interim City Manager
Date: Tuesday, December 6
Hello residents of the great little city of Mittelsberg!
My name is Logan Appel and if you don’t know me you probably know of my father, the legendary “Granite Mayor” Ormund Appel. It’s surreal to be sitting in his chair, addressing the community he once led. Now, I can’t promise to replicate his leadership style – I am not the type to conscript the entire homecoming football game into a volunteer fire-fighting brigade. I am instead the type to ensure that our fire department is well-funded. The results for our community are the same: fires at the lumber mill will be contained.
For those wondering how I went from Budget Director to City Manager, I am happy to explain! Our City Charter states that when a City Manager leaves or becomes indisposed (get better soon, Tim!) they are succeeded first by the President of City Council, then the rest of Council. When all Council members decline the appointment, as happened last week, up next is City Clerk, then Budget Director. And here we are!
As your until-yesterday budget director, I am intimately familiar with our city’s current budget shortfall. I look forward to working with City Council on finding innovative ways to provide the top-notch services you deserve. That’s all to say, I will do my level best for YOU, the kind and patient people of the “Scrappy Little City Just Below the Reservoir.”
Public meeting Dec. 12 about the Henry S. Truman community pool renovation
Date: Thursday, December 8
Members of the public are invited to a community meeting on Monday, Dec. 12 at 6 p.m. at the Fraternal Order of the Everlasting Moose Lodge. Interim City Manager Logan Appel will give an update on the funding and timeline for the pool renovations. The Mittelsberg Mighty Minnows swim team will be selling treats to raise money for a trip to Swim Nationals next year.
Clarifying a couple things
Date: Tuesday, December 13
Logan Appel here, your dutiful City Manager! I was so thrilled with the turnout last night! We know the meeting got a bit heated (pun intended!) but I want to provide a little context that I think was missed in all the shouting.
We know the Truman pool is in dire need of upgrades, first and foremost locating the source of that smell. As I said to the room, I do not think it productive to rehash prior budget allocations. Being City Manager means making difficult financial choices and personally I do not think Tim “jeopardized our children’s health” by delaying pool upgrades, as someone’s sign asserted. The pool remains completely safe and usable. Yes, a B- from the Health Department is not the A+ our community deserves, but a B- pool is perfectly safe for swimming.
That said, consider the message received. I’m “hopetimistic” (as my mother Helen used to say) that we can fast-track this project and give our energetic, patient community the pool it deserves.
On parents and politics
Date: Wednesday, December 14
Happy humpday, Mittelsberg! Logan here. Thanks so much for reading, I hope these are as fun to read as they are to write.
I want to briefly address today’s Mittelsberg Patriot editorial, the one suggesting my City Managership “perpetuates” a “Mittelsberg political family dynasty.” Scout’s honor, I have no political aspirations. I’m only doing my absolute best in a job that somebody has to do. I’m very proud of my father Ormund’s legacy, of course (I’m about to secure naming rights to a star in his honor!). But I take more after my mother Helen, whose lingcod casserole was just as integral to community cohesion as my father’s shovel-jawed pragmatism.
Also, I want to give a big digital high-five to Taylore Williams, our Everlasting Moose Lodge City Hall high school intern, for her great writing in this blog. If the post is informative and to-the-point, you know Taylore wrote it. She thought she’d be working with City Manager Tim Erickson this academic year, so I’ve got constituents both outside and inside City Hall to win over. And I’m up to the task!
City Manager performance evaluation scheduled for Jan. 6
Date: Thursday, December 15
The annual evaluation of the Mittelsberg City Manager by City Council will be held at City Hall on Friday, Jan. 6. Per Mittelsberg tradition, city residents can participate by placing a stone on the Public Accounting Scale, which will be erected by the Parks Department two weeks prior to the evaluation. Registered voters can pick up their Accounting Stone from the public library and place it on the scale in Pioneer’s Square – left scale for Approbation, right scale for Opprobrium.
This day in Mittelsberg history
Date: Friday, December 16
On this date in 1957, President Harry S. Truman visited Mittelsberg just as the City was opening the new community pool. City Council wanted to honor the former president by naming it after him and incorrectly believed “Harry” was short for “Henry.” President Truman was gracious and signed the decorative bunting “Henry.” That bunting is displayed behind glass in the foyer at City Hall.
No serious injuries
Date: Friday, December 16
Logan here, briefly. The City of Mittelsberg wants to address rumors related to an ambulance being spotted at the Henry S. Truman community pool earlier tonight. There were no serious injuries and reports of a “near fatality” are exaggerated.
A member of our proud Mighty Minnows swim team suffered a minor head injury while practicing turns. An ambulance was called out of an abundance of caution. The girl was examined and went home with her parents. Such injuries are an inherent risk of athletic activity and do not mean City facilities are unsafe.
Process by which the City may raise new revenue
Date: Monday, December 19
City Hall has received numerous calls today regarding City taxes and revenue. These calls may be prompted by yesterday’s editorial in the Mittelsberg Patriot newspaper, which predicted City tax increases to fund pool renovations.
Last year’s passage of Initiative I-377 (the “Citizens for Less” initiative) prohibits the City from imposing any new tax or fee, or raising the rate on any tax or fee, without 80% voter approval. This applies to all “meaningful, punitive or symbolic” revenue sources. While the constitutionality of this initiative is being considered by the courts, the City is operating as if the initiative is in effect.
One more thing about the Mittelsberg Patriot editorial
Date: Monday, December 19
Logan here. I just want to add something to what Taylore posted earlier today. (Hi Taylore! I’m in City Hall, just arrived late because my bike got a flat.)
Our town has a proud history of journalism and I believe deeply in the importance of an unfettered press. My first job out of college was as a freelance journalist covering the car prowler and meddlesome-activist beat for the now-defunct Mittelsberg Trumpet. But it is nonsense for the Mittelsberg Patriot to suggest that my promotion is a “consolidation of power designed to ram through dead-of-night tax hikes.” Until you see a vote on your ballot, you can be assured no city taxes are going up. Heck, I-377 even prevents us from raising prices in the City Hall vending machines. (The best deal in town on Butterfingers is in the machine by the elevators. You didn’t hear it from me.)
It’s not as bad as it seems (it’s not bad at all, in fact)
Date: Wednesday, December 21
I know City Hall is technically closed for the holiday week, but “public health” and “transparency” are three words that keep me up at night. (This is Logan.) The Health Department just informed me that they used outdated guidelines when they evaluated the Truman pool this year. Under the new guidelines, the pool should have been rated a C+, not a B-.
This grade change will be reflected in an (alarmingly) ochre window decal you will see at the pool next week. But IMPORTANT CONTEXT: this does NOT mean conditions at the pool are deteriorating. Nothing has changed with the pool, it’s just the standards used to measure its condition that have changed. I’m sure everyone will agree this isn’t a big deal.
Diving into the budget for pool solutions
Date: Friday, December 23
Thank you to the many people who whispered at me during the Lessons & Carols concert last night. (Apologies to the Krefting Middle School Boys Choir for the disruptions. It was a beautiful concert!)
Mittelsberg has many pressing needs but the pool seems to be the bee in everybody’s bonnet right now. Please believe me when I say the pool is my primary focus and so it isn’t necessary to disrupt choir performances to ask me why I’m not at work just then.
Fun, sad little fact I learned recently: the companies that allow you to “name a star” after your deceased parents are not officially recognized by NASA, or any astronomy agency. Per our IT department, it’s “a corny novelty gift thing” with customer data-protection measures that are “laughable.” Also, thank you Taylore for pointing out that I don’t need to introduce myself with every blog post. Advice from all corners!
This day in Mittelsberg history
Date: Tuesday, December 27
On this date in 1919 the county water department officially commissioned the reservoir that provides our city water. This is the current Everlasting Moose City Reservoir, not the first one which failed and destroyed “Original” Mittelsberg. The Daughters of New Mittelsberg will be handing out commemorative garden spigots in Pioneer’s Square tonight, 6 – 9 pm.
Henry S. Truman pool closed due to staffing shortage
Date: Wednesday, December 28
The Henry S. Truman pool lifeguard is presently unable to work and so the pool is closed until further notice. This closure is unrelated to the revised health grade from the Health Department. The Mittelsberg Mighty Minnows Swim Club winter meet scheduled for Jan. 13 is expected to occur as planned.
Restoring trust in government
Date: Friday, December 30
Okay, so about these emails we’re getting. I think everybody could use a deep breath and some herbal tea.
The “pool exposé series” running this week in the Mittelsberg Patriot asserts the Health Department is ignoring a public-facility health crisis to bolster my political aspirations.
First off, again, I aspire only to be the best City Manager I can be. Secondly, the Patriot’s editorial board is well-known for not endorsing ANY candidate for ANY elected office. Unfortunately, the bald eagles and amber waves of grain they typically endorse cannot balance a budget. Public services require public servants.
I also strenuously object to defamation of the Health Department. As I mentioned during the impromptu public meeting at the Sheppard Family Farm Holiday Fest-Tacular yesterday, the Health Department is a group of people whose education and professional experience make them PRECISELY the people you want evaluating a swimming pool. “Sixty collective years of pool owner experience” does not make the Patriot’s editorial board qualified to evaluate pool safety any more than my years of lawn mowing qualifies me to manage a national forest.
The Mittelsberg community that I know and love does not lob stink bombs from behind an editorial page. Mittelsbergers prefer honest, face-to-face conversation. So please stop by the Pine Bough meeting room in City Hall tomorrow from 2-5 p.m. I’m calling it Open City Hall Hours. We can talk about the pool, the city budget, or any other concerns about our city government. I will have coffee and biscuits from Mugs n’ Hugs. See you tomorrow!
Still Here
Date: Saturday, December 31
It’s 7:34 pm on New Year’s Eve and I’m sitting in my office in City Hall. With the heat and HVAC off it’s very quiet and peaceful. From my window I can see over the recycling dumpsters to Pioneer’s Square. There are couples strolling arm in arm past the Public Accounting scale, and the gazebo is a magnesium fire of white Christmas lights. From this angle, the statue of Titus Mittels, with his arms pointing west-southwest and east-northeast, looks like a giant awaiting a hug.
I planned on writing a meeting summary after today’s Open City Hall Hours but no one showed up. So that’s the summary.
This is my fault. I can forget how busy this time of year is, especially for people with spouses/families/living parents. I guess the questioning of my City Managership lit a fire under me and I overreacted. People have better things to do on New Year’s Eve than have solutions-oriented conversations about the city budget. Taylore told me as much. She’s destined for great things. Listen to young people.
Also, my credit card information was stolen from the website I used to name a star after my parents, and that’s been stressing me out. Not that that’s an excuse.
My mother’s favorite seasons were the transition seasons, spring and fall. She said that’s when you noticed life doing “little life things.” My father loved summer and winter because “extreme conditions teach extreme lessons.” I feel a debt of privilege and duty in being their only child, and I try to apply their values to my work on your behalf. At times this month I’ve felt like I haven’t been up to the task. But winter is not yet over.
If you see your parents tonight, I recommend giving them a big hug.
CITY OF MITTELSBERG PRESS RELEASE
City of Mittelsberg and Fraternal Order of the Everlasting Moose announce public-private partnership for Truman Pool renovations
Tuesday, January 3
The City of Mittelsberg and the Fraternal Order of the Everlasting Moose have entered into a public-private partnership to fund renovations to the Henry S. Truman Community Pool. Under the agreement, the Fraternal Order will fund 70% of the capital costs associated with the renovation. The pool will be renamed the Everlasting Moose Community Pool, and the Fraternal Order will receive a percentage of revenue generated by renting the pool for private functions.
“The Fraternal Order is a pillar institution in our city, and this agreement secures a first-rate pool for our first-rate community. I want to thank Lachlan Carlaw and the Fraternal Order for their commitment to the sustainability of Mittelsberg,” said Mittelsberg interim City Manager Logan Appel.
“The Fraternal Order believes Mittelsberg’s success is our success. Logan Appel’s creative solution to a public need is a tremendous accomplishment,” said Lachlan Carlaw, Bull Moose of the Fraternal Order.
This is the City of Mittelsberg’s first public-private partnership. Other public facilities, such as the Everlasting Moose Picnic Area and the Everlasting Moose Fire Station, carry only honorific names and do not include revenue-sharing agreements.
Free swimming ahead
Date: Tuesday, January 3
A Happy New Year to you and yours!
When I wear my Budget Director hat, I’m skeptical of public-private partnerships. They are often schemes that tempt distressed municipalities into accepting short-term lifelines in exchange for mortgaging public assets for private profit. As my father might have put it: you’re selling the cow to buy milk.
But when I put on my Mittelsberger hat, I know we are fortunate that Lachlan Carlaw and the Fraternal Order are not interested in stripping our community for parts. My father was a member and I grew up running around the thick, stocking-clad legs of Brothers Moose at holiday parties.
I want to thank our community for its patience while I investigated ways to fund a capital project when we have no money to spend. I hope this good news allows us to look beyond the pool’s edge (so to speak) to our community’s many other needs, and those high-spirited people who have been picketing the pool can put away those graphic pictures of bacterial infections. They’re quite, quite gross.
Mighty Minnows Swim Club Meet tickets on sale
Date: Thursday, January 5
Tickets are on sale for the Jan. 13 Mittelsberg Mighty Minnows Swim Club meet and the fundraiser raffle. All proceeds support sending Mittelsberg’s K-8 swim athletes to Swim Nationals, which are in San Diego this year. Raffle prizes include:
- Dinner for two at Heritage (wine is extra).
- Signed copies of Mittelsberg poet laureate Sinead Hawkes’ four chapbooks.
- Iodine tablets and “His and Hers” flare guns from The Mittelsberg Patriot.
Results of City Manager evaluation
Date: Monday, January 9
Interim City Manager Logan Appel’s performance evaluation has returned a finding of “Remarkable” on the Exemplary / Remarkable / Satisfactory / Disappointing / Dismal scale. The results of the City Council review (qualitative) and the Public Accounting Scale (quantitative) are listed below:
- Council Positions #1, #3, #4, #6: [not present]
- Council Position #2: Remarkable
- Council Position #5: Exemplary
- Empty Council Position #7: Dismal [by default]
- Public Accounting Stone tally: 2,342 Approbation / 2,226 Opprobrium
Vindication
Date: Monday, January 9
Thank you to everyone, especially the Brothers Moose, who attended my performance evaluation last Friday. When Lachlan Carlaw tells you, “Son, you look like something’s been chasing you in your sleep,” you stand up straighter.
It is meaningful beyond words that I am the first City Manager to receive an evaluation of Remarkable in fifteen years(!). If I may be personal for a moment, I feel my parents smiling down on me from the Ormund and Helen (2h56m23s 67°11°) star.
Some attendees asked why so many City Councilmembers were absent. As many of you will remember, Council position #7 must remain empty as a reminder that taxpayers are always in the room, and that position is assumed to vote no/negative in all situations. Councilmembers must also prove full-time employment to maintain their seats. This is why only two of six Councilmembers attended the performance review – everybody else couldn’t get off work.
I know the Mittelsberg Patriot asserts that spending taxpayer dollars is, by definition, corruption. In my view, the only people who can’t imagine someone putting duty above personal agenda are those people who would never do it themselves.
Heeding Taylore’s repeated (and increasingly exasperated) advice, I will not be acknowledging the Patriot again in this blog. As my father Ormund liked to say, a man of his word needs no other suit of armor. And with your vote of Approbation, I am double-armored.
Snow advisory in effect until 5 a.m. January 11
Date: Tuesday, January 10
The City is expected to receive up to five inches of snow through 8 p.m. tonight. City trash and recycling pickup will be delayed two days while the trucks plow arterials and school routes.
The Parks Department is aware that a tree fell in the parking lot of the Henry S. Truman pool. There was no damage and a Parks crew is removing the tree this afternoon. Please be careful of trees and limbs that can pose falling hazards during major snow events.
To be clear: the pool was never hit by a tree
Date: Wednesday, January 11
We are receiving agitated calls and emails asking how the City repaired the “catastrophic” tree damage to the pool overnight and yet won’t reopen the pool. I don’t know how else to say this – the tree did not hit the building. And the pool is closed because our lifeguard Huntyr hurt his shoulder and so We. Don’t. Have. A. Lifeguard.
A better outlet for this spasm of civic concern would be for someone (anyone!) to take the Parks Department lifeguard certification class so we have a backup lifeguard. Good grief.
Truman Pool reopening; Mighty Minnows swim meet planned for this Friday
Date: Thursday, January 12
The City is happy to report that the Truman pool lifeguard has been medically cleared to resume work and the pool will reopen in time for the Mighty Minnows swim meet. We apologize for any inconvenience this closure has caused.
A demonstration of accountability
Date: Friday, January 13
I know I said I would not talk about the Patriot again, but I cannot abide the slandering of our ferociously competent intern Taylore. Advocating for the “citizen’s arrest” of City staff and interns is just bonkers in a blender. If my father was alive today he would bite straight through that wooden awl he carried around in his teeth.
I will not let the Patriot’s bad-faith hysterics define the terms of public service in Mittelsberg. I have heard many residents express an understandable trepidation about the pool. It has been a tumultuous month, and with the big swim meet tonight, concern for our children’s safety is fair.
I trust the Health Department with my health. It’s right there in their name. But as my mother used to say, an action is worth a thousand assertions. So I will be the first person in the pool tonight. Our lifeguard Huntyr has agreed to a friendly 100-meter race to kick off the Mighty Minnows winter swim meet. I will be lucky to finish within a length of our high school swim champ. But I hope by putting my body where my convictions are, I will assuage concerns about the pool’s safety and, more broadly, help lance and drain the cyst of mistrust that is obstructing our civic circulatory system.
See you in the pool!
CITY OF MITTELSBERG PRESS RELEASE
Interim City Manager Logan Appel recovering in St. Mercy’s hospital after pool accident
Monday, January 16
Interim City Manager Logan Appel is in stable condition in St. Mercy’s hospital after striking his head while swimming in the Henry S. Truman community pool. Doctors report he suffered a concussion and water inhalation.
“I want to thank Taylore and Lachlan for restarting the swim meet after my poor demonstration of a kick flip,” said Appel. “I hope the episode shows our young athletes that even adults can have bad ideas and make mistakes, and that having a community to pull your limp body from the pool is what lets you try again tomorrow.”
This accident is a reminder that swimming carries inherent risk of injury and is not a reflection on the safety of City recreational facilities.
This day in Mittelsberg history
Date: Tuesday, January 17
Did you know that, on this date nine years ago, Logan Appel first came to work for the City of Mittelsberg as an ordering clerk in the Facilities Department? He led the replacement of City parking meters with newer models that do not attract yellowjacket nests, resulting in a less stressful downtown parking experience. As Budget Director, Logan helped maintain City staff morale during the uncertain period between passage of the “Citizen Fines” ballot initiative, and the state Supreme Court finding it unconstitutional to allow individuals to impose fines on public employees for perceived poor service.
More recently, Logan is credited with convincing at least one local high school student to actually consider public service after she goes to college. Get better soon, Logan.
Nicholas Mirra was born in Tacoma, Washington and currently lives in Seattle. His writing has appeared in The Onion, Funny Or Die, and Philadelphia City Paper. Professionally he works at the bracing intersection of public agencies and the communities they serve. He is currently working on a novel.